Set aside the time to take the time, not only will it help you slow up your pace, but it will also demonstrate to your girlfriend that she is the focus, and connecting is the purpose, not the clock.
Start with a light massage, this will connect you with you partner physically, and will help you develop a better idea of your partner’s touch and what she likes.
The process of arousing a woman in order to stimulate her vagina is very similar to the process of baking and using an oven.
Continue this motion for about one minute, then use thumb and middle finger to separate the labia and use the fingers of your other hand to stroke the inner lips of the vagina.
You can begin to increase your pace and pressure of your strokes based on any physical (thrusting, muscles tensing, leg movements) and verbal (moaning, sighing) cues indicating pleasure.
To avoid too much stimulation of the clitoris, or if you are still unsure of how your partner feels about touching her clitoris, take a break from rubbing the clitoris and go back to your earlier move of take the very tip of the index finger of the free hand and lightly stroke around the outside of the vulva, and then stroke the inner thighs.
To continue rubbing your partner’s vagina, without complete focus and stimulation on her clitoris, take the inside of your palm and place the middle of your palm on the bottom part of her vagina, right over the top of the opening of the vagina.
If your partner is stimulated when her clitoris is touched, try lightly rubbing the clitoris with the middle of the inside of your palm (with the free hand).
Do this while your other hand’s fingers are inside of her vagina.
Vaginal wetness, physical cues like squirming and thrusting, and verbal cues like moaning are all positive signs that you can move your focus primarily to her vagina.
It is important that you do not succumb to the temptation to insert your fingers directly into your partner too fast — doing so can result in discomfort for her and embarrassment for you. Just like baking bread starts outside then bakes slowly at the center, this approach also has you working your way from the outside in.
This can seem like a daunting task, but with time and patience you will learn to read your partner and provide pleasurable stimulation.
The first thing to know about the act of digital stimulation is not to start focusing on the vagina too soon.
If you want to set the tone in advance, start early by complimenting a part of you partner’s body that you find sexy and a turn on, or ask to set aside time for a “bed date.” If the underwear is still on at this point, you can incorporate it into your play by lightly stroking your middle finger, tracing along the outside of her underwear.